You know what the second I stopped saying “I wish I had a friend who-“ and started being “the friend who-“ my life has gotten 100% more fulfilling
No legitimately. I have a tea table in my room for when friends can come over again. Most of my friends have a key to the back door in my room. I make my friends sweaters and buy things they mention they want. I send handwritten letters in the mail to my friend who lives a block away. I annotate poetry books and give them as gifts when it’s not even a holiday. I keep extra gloves in my purse and jackets in my car.
I’m not trying to be like “ohoho look at me I’m such a good friend”, I’m saying the second I stopped going “I wish I had friends who would invite me to tea parties” and just. hosted the tea parties myself? I still got to do the thing. I still got to see my friends. I still got to be happy with them.
I don’t think it’s about who does it, I think it’s just the genuine act of caring for people, and giving a little light to the environments you’re in.
Okay. Apparently I’m not done talking about this.
It’s a lot of energy, I get that. Especially if you’re putting in all this effort, but not getting any back.
But I think that’s the reason no one does it. I mean we’re so worried we’ll start doing all these things and our friends won’t like it or won’t be into it, so we just don’t.
Only last week my friend messaged me, asking if I wanted to go stargazing with her. When I forget about our weekly virtual tea party, another friend called me to ask if I wanted them to host it this week.
I’ve been invited on hikes and picnics and pie making competitions over zoom, and it all sort of started with me going out of my way to be “that friend”.
I genuinely believe that the easiest answer to “how do I get friends like that?” Is to be one. In most cases, everyone else just follows by example, because they aren’t worried they’ll be wasting time and energy anymore.
LOOK AT ALL THESE MUSHROOMS I FOUND (and the elusive Aminita!). I plan to go out tomorrow and find some more. There were some awesome ones on trees too, but.. they were on trees. I may just photograph those ‘cause there was this type that looked like bat ears and they jiggled when you poked them.
did you felt personally offended by that? you know you deserve better friends than those vultures you surround yourself with. if your friends don´t compliment you out of the blue, hype you up and remember you that you are worthy of love and attention is time to get a better group of friends. especially if them are the ones that feed your insecurities and you know exactly the type of people that I am talking.
study
there is nothing more powerful and sexy than knowledge. doesn’t necessarily need to be about the subjects you study in high school, go learn about your city, submarines, plants, anything that sparks your interest. watch a documentary, read a book, pick up the messages on shows, pay fucking attention and learn.
let yourself be sometimes
feeling a bit down, sad, tired or stressed is a part of life. sometimes giving yourself time is always better than “keep pushing through”. think about the situation, let yourself grief, cry for hours while watching a show and then, when you feel ready, move on. most of times that transition will happen and you won’t even notice. dont let people tell you what its worth crying or being upset about. if you want to cry and not go out on a friday night because you saw a cute commercial that is totally fine. do what you feel is best. let yourself be.
learn about yourself
learn what makes you tick, happy, excited, nervous, cry etc…see the patterns and learn how to deal with them or even avoid some. create boundaries and let people know when they crossed them. know yourself.
create a self-love kit
a song, movie or anything that makes you feel comfy for those times you feel a bit down. heavily related to the ´learn abut yourself´ bullet-point. take a bubbly bath, tea. treat your body and mind. binge watch that show that makes you emotional, sulk in your couch for a day, just fucking do it.
make ´main character´ activities by yourself
dont rely on other people to do the things you like. got to your favorite coffeeshop, flea market, sit by the beach, listen to music outside. we all deserve a Bella sitting by her window thinking about her vampire boyfriend moment or laying on the grass just because.
romanticize the little things
romanticize your daily shower, your commute to work. turn off the lights and dance, feel the love and energy around you. stop doing everything in a automatic, appreaciate everything, put your intentions on things and think, really feel.
dont waste your energy on things that don’t matter/aren´t worth it
value your time and energy, not everybody deserves it. don’t bit to other people baits that were made to make you pissed or feed other people’s drama/games. let them play by themselves. say no and move on. use the time you would be fighting with them to make something for yourself.
dont be afraid of saying no
boundaries people!!! you dont own anyone shit. especially for the people that dont deserve it, the things you do just to be kind. be assertive and just “no”.
i honestly believe human beings are not meant to live like this. we are meant to live in loving communities and be around nature every day and grow our own food and create art and not work day and night until we die. this longing for another life is not human nature, it’s a symptom of modern society.
we are meant to share burdens, collaborate, create. art is part of the human experience, but it’s also part of the human species. the fact that we are not all living comfortably in communities of support and love and creation and song is the greatest sin of mankind. you’re telling me that the pursuit of wealth, an invented idea born of artificial scarcity enforced by the artificial idea of class, is the ultimate expression of humanity? how unimaginative. don’t you dream? I invite you to dream with me.
